EXECUTION COPY
DATED 11th December 1996
CLIFF CHANS TRAINEE LAWYERS
and
CLIFF CHANS LAWYERS AND STAFF
____________________________________________
ALTERNATIVE LAWYER LYRICS
___________________________________
CLIFF CHANS
30/F Jardeen House
Hong Kong
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Clause
1. Definitions
2. Alternative Lyrics
2.1 Hound Dog (Elvis
Presley)
2.2 Heigh Ho (from "Snow White
& the 7 Dwarfs")
2.3 Sign Your Name (Terrence Trent D'Arby)
2.4 Every Breath You Take (Police)
2.5 Englishman in New York
(Sting)
2.6 Manic Monday (Prince/Bangles)
2.7 You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling (Righteous
Brothers)
2.8 Yesterday (Beatles)
Schedule I
THESE ALTERNATIVE LAWYER LYRICS are executed this 11th day of December, 1996 at the Marriot Hotel, Central, Hong Kong.
BETWEEN
WHEREAS
It is a sacred and time-honoured tradition in the Cliff Chans Hong Kong office that the new Trainees (from London or otherwise) shall endeavour to make fools of themselves in front of the rest of the Lawyers and Staff by performing an event at the firm's annual Christmas dinner;
IT IS EXECUTED as follows:
1. DEFINITIONS
Unless the terms or context of the Alternative Lawyer Lyrics otherwise provides, the following terms shall have the meanings set out below:-
"Bible-ing" shall mean the extremely tedious job typically performed by a trainee solicitor; involves the making and distribution of zillions of copies of agreements (after signing) to a zillions of parties;
"Guailo" shall mean a caucasian/white; (lit.) "ghost guy"; commonly used by Cantonese speakers as a term of endearment (...not);
"IDD" shall mean International Direct Dial; in Cliff Chans most often encountered in the statement of one's monthly salary, from which the cost of IDD calls made by the person is deducted;
"Pao Ma Tei" shall mean Happy Valley in Cantonese, an area in Hong Kong where trainees are provided shelter;
"Supervisor" shall mean the almighty one who is the Trainee's direct superior; creator of suffering and torment; often used in conjunction with "slave-driver";
"Trainee Lawyer" or "Trainee Solicitor" shall mean the post-law-school pre-qualified pittance-earning pitiful souls used for slave labour for a period of two years by British law firms; in this particular case, as listed in Schedule I hereto.
"Typo" shall mean a typograp[hical error; chief province of secretries;
2. ALTERNATIVE LYRICS
2.1 Hound Dog: (Elvis Presley)
(Click & Play Karaoke midi file - 20 kB)
Chorus
We ain't nothin' but trainees, proof-reading all the time
We ain't nothin' but trainees, photo-copying all the time
Well, if you're my supervisor then you ain't no friend of mine
Verse 1
You said we'd be drafting, but that was just a lie
You said no more Bible-ing, but that was just a lie
Well, if you're my supervisor then you ain't no friend of mine
[Chorus repeat]
Verse 2
Well on a good day, we get to do a fax
But all it does say, is "please see attached"
Well, if you're my supervisor then you ain't no friend of mine.
Copyright © 1996 KL Wong.
2.2 Heigh Ho (form "Snow White & teh 7 Dwarfs")
(Clcik & Play Karoake midi file - 4 kB)
Ty-po! Ty-po! you missed a big typo!
[whitsling by others, waving index finger at secretaary]
Tupo! Another big ty-po!
Typo! You're such a big dodo!
[whistling]
Ty-po! Ty-po! Tp-yo! Ty-po!
(Dictated but not read.)
Copyright © 1996 KL Wong.
PS - "Typographer secretries of the world, UNTIE!!"
2.3 Sign Your Name (Terrence Trent D'Arby)
(Click & Play Karaoke midi file - 9 kB)
Verse
For a long long time, working on this deal, that never ends
Every day and night, we're amending this, amending that
It's dragged on for so long, that we just don't give a damn, if it's still wrong
We all just wanna go home...
Chorus
Sign your name, affix your seal, we want you to close this deal
Sign your name, above the line, stop was-ting our bloody time
Copyright © 1996 KL Wong.
2.4 Every Breath You Take (Police)
(Click & Play Karaoke midi file - 11 kB)
Verse
Every slip you make
Everytime you're late
Every call you make
Every biscuit you take
[Roger's]* watchin' you
* [Insert name of appropriate partner.]
Bridge
Oh can't you see
He is watching me
Even when he's not here
I am still in fear
Final Verse
Every single day
Every thing you say
Every fax you send
Every letter you amend
Roger's watchin' you.
Everytime you're late
Every call you make
Roger's watchin' you.
(Backing vocals: Every slip you make, everytime you're late, every call you make, Roger's watchin' you)
Roger's watchin' you.
(Backing vocals: Every single day, every thing you say, every move you make, Roger's watchin' you)
Roger... Roger's watchin' you.
* [Insert name of appropriate partner.]
Copyright © 1996 KL Wong.
2.5 Englishman in New York (Sting)
(Sung by the English trainee solicitors in our Hong Kong office)
(Click & Play Karaoke midi file - 16 kB)
Verse 1
Well I drink lager you drink Chinese tea
I love sweet and sour pork
You don't understand I hate ka-ra-o-ke's
I'm an Englishman in Hong Kong
Chorus
Oh oh, I'm an Englishman, I'm a guailo Englishman
I'm an Englishman in Hong Kong
Oh oh, I'm an Englishman, Just a guailo Englishman
I'm an Englishman in Hong Kong
Verse 2
Hong Kong island's where I'm forced to stay
In Happy Valley Pao Ma Tei
Taxi drivers just don't understand what I say
I'm an Englishman in Hong Kong
Chorus
Oh oh, I'm an Englishman, I'm a guailo Englishman
I'm an Englishman in Hong Kong
Oh oh, I'm an Englishman, Just a guailo Englishman
I'm an Englishman in Hong Kong
Copyright © 1996 KL Wong.
2.6 Manic Monday (Prince/Bangles)
(Click & Play Karaoke midi file - 19 kB)
Verse 1
I got to work this morning right away I felt a sense of despair
Cos first thing that I saw were lots of documents piled up on my chair
"Proof-read this, make 10 copies once you've checked that it's fine"
"Then fax it to all parties and I want it done by half past nine."
Chorus
Just another manic monday (woh-oo-woh)
Wish it were Sunday (woh-oo-woh)
But even that's a bad day (woh-oo-woh)
Wish it were a holiday
Just another panic everyday
Verse 2
No time to go to the toilet, no time to even think about lunch
I say these partners supervisors can be a sadistic bunch
"Since it's now, 2 a.m, just spend the night here you might as well."
That's when I felt like telling him to stuff it up and go to hell.
Chorus
And another panic Tuesday (wo-oo-wo)
When will it be sunday (wo-oo-wo)
But even that's a bad day (wo-oo-wo)
I really need a holiday
I really hate these panic everydays.
Copyright © 1996 KL Wong.
2.7 You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling (Righteous Brothers)
(Click & Play Karaoke midi file - 19 kB)
Verse
I've never seen someone, so disorganised, as you
You never clear your desk, it's always such a mess, it's true
I've tried so hard to convince you (trainee...)
But trainee! Now you're really in trouble...
Chorus
You've lost that loan agreement, the executed loan agreement
You've lost that loan agreement, you're in real, deep, shit, wo-oo-wo-oo-woh
Bridge
Trainee, trainee, I'd find it quick if I were you
No more excuses, don't blame it, on your secretary, no
"I had it here, right here, but someone took it away"
"In fact I think, I gave it, to you yesterday"
Bullshit! ("No shit!") Bullshit!! ("No shit!!")
Just tell me where ("T'was just right there!") I want it now! ("I don't know how!")
Just tell me where ("T'was just right there!") I want it now!
Chorus
Go find, that loan agreement! DAMMIT! That loan agreement
Go find that loan agreement or you're dead, dead, dead
We will all make sure you're dead, wo-oo-wo-oo-woh
Copyright © 1996 KL Wong and A. Williams
(Click & Play Karaoke midi file - 7 kB)
Verse
(My) salary, it isn't half of what it ought to be
All my friends are making more than me
Oh Where's the rest of my salary?
Chorus
Why we work so hard I don't know, we must be dumb
Then when pay day comes we're so glum it's just not f-u-u-u-u-n
Verse
Then I see! What's this figure next to IDD?
I think accounts have slipped it in for me
Oh where's the rest of my salary?
Copyright © 1996 A. Williams and S. Matty
IN WITNESS WHEREOF each of the "performers" referred to herein respectively thank you for your kind patronage of this page and invite you to leave forth your comments.
Trainee Performers
Tina Cheng
Stuart Matty
Graeme McLellan
Vincent Sum
Adrian Williams
KL Wong
A KL Oohyeah Production. _ Copyright © 1997 KL Wong.